1. Repealing these protections will protect women and children. As we all know, it is currently illegal for people to sexually assault other people. This ordinance would completely change that. If we don’t vote to repeal this, gay and transgender people will be allowed to commit whichever crimes they choose. The ordinance clearly and directly states, “Gays are above the law. They may drive as fast as they want, take groceries without paying and choke-slam anybody caught in the same restroom as them.” Have you seen “The Purge?” Well, it would totally be like that, so I hope you’re scared.
2. This law creates special protections for LGBT people. Okay, so what? We’re just going to let gay and transgender people run around working jobs, paying rent and contributing to this community without the fear of being discriminated against? Not on my watch. If you actually read the ordinance, it states, “Straight people must give up their seats for gay people in restaurants from now on. Gays rule — straights drool.” We can see that these “protections against unfair treatment” are actually just a front for creating a superhuman class of gays who tyrannically rule all other people. I don’t know about everybody else, but I’m not particularly interested in being legally forced by gay people to get a better haircut and redecorate my home.
3. Gay people aren’t being discriminated against. This is pointless. Come on, y’all. I mean, yes, we live in an area of the country where a lot of people view being LGBT as a fundamental error that needs to be fixed by conversion therapy. Just because many people in the Bible Belt view gay and transgender people as lesser human beings doesn’t mean they’re being discriminated against. It’s common knowledge that gay people are viewed as equal citizens in this area of the country. That’s why we have so many homeless LGBT teens. That’s why we’re fighting to legally kick them out of our restaurants whenever we choose. That’s why our state doesn’t recognize their love as worthy enough to be sanctioned by the state like their heterosexual counterparts.
4. Repealing this protects religious freedom. It is my God-given right to hate whomever I want. Can I get a yee-yee? If I’m a small business owner and I don’t want to sell my products/services to gay people, that’s my right. I shouldn’t be forced to take their money and grow my business. Even if I didn’t mind that all gay money counts as half the currency of straight money, I hate the smell of gay money. It always smells like potpourri and sin. If Jesus were on Earth today, he would ditch all that “love thy neighbor” and “do unto others” bull. Jesus would vote “yes” to repeal this ordinance because excluding and discriminating against people is game. Hate the player, don’t hate the way, the truth and the light — am I right?