I became accustomed to rejection earlier in life than most. In fact, one of my earliest memories was chasing boys on the playground trying to get them to kiss me. Chill out you guys, I was in preschool, I didn’t know better! That being said, I’ve been putting myself out there for a while. And sometimes it’s hard.
Shooting your shot can range from being mildly disappointing to straight-up heartbreaking. But, like the Great Michael Scott once said, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”
Rejection is always a sting to the ego, but you have to rationalize that it is much better to know and move on than to wait and wonder. Life is just too short to wait for people to come to you, because often times, they won’t.
Weigh your odds of course — it’s not a good idea to walk up to a stranger and ask them to dinner. That can often come across as creepy. In my experience, it is always creepy. But I think it is perfectly appropriate to pursue someone you met at a party or in class or through an extracurricular activity. Someone has to make the first move, so why not you?
The best case scenario is that they are also interested in you. The worst case scenario is as follows.
I have a girlfriend who was quietly in love with a very average guy for years during high school. I encouraged her for several months to tell him she liked him but after she finally did, he totally ghosted her. Left on open.
Anyone who does this to you is a certifiable “Bad Dude” and you just dodged a bullet. Any normal human person will probably not do this even if they politely reject you. It caused her some pain but she ended up meeting her boyfriend shortly after and they have been together ever since! That wouldn’t have happened if she was completely emotionally attached to a guy who didn’t even know she liked him.
I’m not sure that it ever gets easier to put yourself out there but the more often you do it, the less weight you put on it. You can’t allow yourself to obsess and fantasize about a person. It’s unhealthy and the truth is, you probably wouldn’t be so hung up on them if you knew them better. So buck up, speak your truth and let it go.
That is now my philosophy because I accidentally allow too many guys to walk into my life and ruin my vibes. It is better that I just shoot my shot and get it over with than sit around and wait for Mr. Not Even That Right to decide when HE wants ME. That is garbage. I am better than that. YOU, queen/king, are better than that too!
Now, rejection can take different forms. Rejection is overt when you put yourself out there for someone, either by asking them out for coffee or spilling your guts and telling them you have feelings — and they turn you down or don’t reciprocate.
The more subtle forms can take shape through ghosting, which I find to be disrespectful and would argue should be a criminal offense.
Although rejection feels like the most personal thing in the world, it really isn’t. We all get rejected and we all reject others. It’s part of the circle of life.
A few weeks ago, I rejected someone asking me out and later that day someone rejected me asking them out.
That’s showbiz baby. It’s not personal.
In high school when I was rejected, I thought it was because I was ugly. Now in college, when I am rejected, I realize it isn’t personal.
Now, I’m not gonna lie to you, dear reader.
Shooting your shot and getting rejected can be gut-wrenching.
To avoid the pain and wondering entirely, I recommend considering arranged marriage.
For anyone interested, my dowry is one Holstein cow, a flock of chickens or 100 eggs.